Even when it seems impossible, we all have it in us to be confident. Do not be afraid to be yourself and stand out. Show the world who you are and be proud!
Picture from Spring 2021
"Confidence is the most beautiful thing you can possess."
- Sabrina Carpenter
Lacking and Looking for Confidence
There is not a doubt in my mind that someone reading this is struggling with confidence issues just like me. I'm sure that we have all been faced with this problem.
Whether we have gotten to this place due to hurtful words of others, not living up to society's standards, or even talking down to ourselves, we have all felt the pain of self-doubt in some way.
I know that finding my confidence has been, and surely will continue to be, a constant struggle throughout my life. Many days I find myself battling with myself.
When I feel that small spark of confidence come on, my inner doubts like to quickly beat me down.
I have always tried to reason with myself by saying things such as:
"If my teeth weren't crooked, my weight wouldn't matter."
"If I was skinnier, I wouldn't need to worry about my crooked teeth."
"If I looked older, being short wouldn't be a problem."
Obviously, no one should talk to themselves this way. It took me awhile to recognize this, but I came to the realization that if I am ever to be truly confident, I would have to love and accept ALL of me.
If you do not have confidence established in you, it would not matter if one thing was fixed and the other was not. You would then become fixated on the "flaw" that had not changed.
A lot of people who know me probably assume me to be quite confident. I like to think that around others I have a lively personality that exhibits confidence, but in reality I do not.
It has taken me a long time to find my confidence, but I have.
Losing Confidence
Looking back at myself as a young child, I believe that I did have a decent amount of confidence. While I could be shy at first around new people, I would eventually warm up and show off my personality.
I remember not being afraid to be funny and have fun. Heck, we have photos of me dancing around with a pineapple on my head and I still remember the lyrics to a song I made up called "I Like Tacos, They Make Me Happy."
I wasn't exactly a quiet child. Not even sure you would say "normal" either.
During this time though, I was lucky enough to be at a small school. My last year there I had a 5th Grade class of only 15 students. Many of us had grown up together and had good relationships. I always felt like I could be myself. I really was confident then.
However, a week before starting 6th Grade my family moved and I was put into a much bigger school. This is when the bullying started. This is when I lost my confidence.
In middle school it started with being teased for how I supposedly sounded British and did not dress like the other girls. There was even an instance of being slapped by one girl and told I would be "punched in my Pinocchio nose" by a boy.
When junior high came around it turned into girls threatening me and one deciding to lift my shirt up in front of our athletics class. Things only got worse from here.
These things made me feel awful.
My confidence plummeted quick.
I honestly believed I would never be able to find my confidence or myself ever again. How could I be me when everyone around me seemed to hate and judge who I was?
Finding Confidence
Saving the bullying stories for another time, I'd like to tell you why I decided on this topic today.
I chose this topic because a little over a week ago I had a moment that I have not had in over a decade.
Lately I have been working on aligning myself mind, body and soul. This includes teaching myself how to change negative thoughts in my head to positive ones.
The other day I bought my first new swimsuit in over four years. When I looked at myself in the mirror I immediately thought:
"Wow! I look amazing!"
To preface, I have not been working out and I have not been losing weight. I am just at a point where I am looking at myself differently.
I am looking at myself with confidence.
In the last few months, I have noticed myself actually being excited to take photos and show them off. I'm not afraid to show off my appearance and personality.
I can actually look at myself and say:
"I'm a smart, funny and beautiful young lady that anyone would be lucky to know."
Find Your Confidence
While I may not be the best at advice, I figured I would leave you with some anyways. Maybe it will help you in finding your confidence.
Something big for me was recognizing my accomplishments. Over the years I have done a lot and have noticed my hard work pay off.
I use to be told by bullies that I would never find a job because of my looks, but guess what? I got hired this week by a company that is investing in me because of my personality and the potential they see in me. They do not care if I look like the standards set by society or not.
Another thing was training my negative thoughts to be turned into positives. Something that helped me with this was The Tapping Solution, which I plan to talk about more in a later post.
It is easy to criticize ourselves. Instead of pulling yourself down, build yourself up. Push away those negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones.
Do not forget to listen to your friends and family who care. It is common to say that family has to say nice things about you, but they really do mean what they say.
No one knows you better than your loved ones.
Finally, do not expect to be confident every single day. Expecting this will only make your bad days worse.
It is okay to struggle and fight with yourself internally from time to time. It is normal.
Just don't let your self-doubt keep you down forever.
You are amazing.
I am amazing.
We are amazing.
Love y'all!
- M.E.
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