With so much going on in life, it can be hard to keep our head up. There is such a temptation to drown in our emotions. Yet, no matter how deep we drown, we can always float back to the top.
“God, keep my head above water.
Don't let me drown, it gets harder...
So pull me up from down below
'Cause I'm underneath the undertow
Come dry me off and hold me close
I need you now, I need you most”
- Avril Lavigne (Head Above Water)
Rising Waters
To put it simple it has been a rough year. I am sure that this is something we can all agree on.
I look back to where I was this time last year. Who would have imagined all of these crazy things to happen in such a short period of time? I know I didn't.
When the pandemic first began, it was still assumed that we would not have to worry about it in the U.S. I remember the university emails going out that assured us we would not be affected.
Heck, the pandemic became a literal joke in the classroom. The most notable being, "If I get Corona, I better get Lyme Disease too."
Right before Spring Break, however, I remember us being warned that returning to school could be different and that certain things may have to be canceled. But shutting down? That was not even mentioned yet.
I never would have imagined that school, and the world, would go on lockdown.
Crashing Waves
At first, there was still hope. As we received emails about the school delaying our return, it had not sunk in yet that we may not be returning for the remainder of the spring semester.
Next thing I knew, everything began to fall apart.
During Spring Break, I was working back home. When I clocked out each day, I would feel my heart pounding as I went to check my email.
Emails telling us that school would be delayed, that protective actions would be taken on campus, that we would be returning but must remain safe when doing so.
Each new email felt like another wave crashing into me.
At the start of my spring semester I was excited. I felt as if it would be my best semester yet. However, all my plans and opportunities would be canceled.
Drowning
I managed and held onto that hope I had. I told myself everything would blow over and we would be back to school before we knew it.
Everything came crashing down once we received the email that we would not be returning to school.
I remember breaking down the moment I read those words. This meant I would not be able to participate in the activities planned for my women's organization, I would not be going on my study abroad, my new organization would go on hold for the semester and I would not get to interact with the new friends I was making.
All of this became overwhelming and since that day I feel like I keep getting knocked down.
Since the start of the pandemic, I have been faced with many new challenges. I have no problem admitting that I struggled mentally and emotionally.
When things feel as if they are getting better, I get pushed back to the ground. It honestly feels like I am drowning.
I have lost opportunities, lost myself and even lost family and friends.
Swimming
It has been difficult to overcome the bad happening in my life recently. I even feel guilty for the positives happening in my life because of the bad.
These last couple of weeks have been extremely difficult and I have had to deal with my negative emotions resurfacing.
Pushing through is tough, but it is possible.
I am lucky that during all of my trials, I have had family and friends by my side.
When the pandemic started I knew it was not a good idea to stay alone in my apartment. Instead, I went and lived with my grandparents until the summer. This was an amazing opportunity that lifted my spirits.
After the passing of my uncle, I finally took steps to better my mental health. Through counseling I am learning how to take care of myself during difficult times.
These are only two examples of what I have done to overcome hardships. God has given me many resources.
Floating
I love the song "Head Above Water" by Avril Lavigne. The lyrics really resonate with how I have been feeling recently.
Every night I pray to my Heavenly Father to help me keep my head above the trials I am faced with. There is no doubt that He pulls me up and holds me close. My Heavenly Father brings me great comfort.
With the help of loved ones and my strong faith, I have been able to not only overcome my hardships, but find peace in them.
Peace
For those reading, please do not think this post is me complaining or seeking attention. If anything, I hope that this post reminds you that we are all struggling right now and that is okay.
Also know that it is okay to ask for help. Those that love us want to help.
Not every day will be perfect and some days we will get knocked around, but it is possible to overcome our trials and push forward.
I got this. You got this. We got this!
Love y'all!
- M.E.
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